On Saturday, Lana posted a “no make-up” selfie while on the way to a WWE house show in Peoria, Ill. Traditionally, the no make-up selfie is meant to be empowering, railing against preconceived notions of beauty. Well, it turns out that people super love those preconceived notions, and they reacted… about as well as you think they would.

Lana is no stranger to towing the line of her (sadly pretty regressive at the moment) character while still standing up for what she believes in. Back in April, the responses to our post covering her feminist tweets alone were some of the most vitriolic comments we’ve ever received. Lana, however, has no time for these nerds, and fired off the following response:

Just go ahead and tattoo “I’m creating greatest legacy with or without makeup” on my heart. Thanks.

WWE

I’m digging The Shield’s new look.

Pre-show Notes:

– Hey, it was actually a really good Smackdown this week. Let’s celebrate with social media shares! Here’s the buttons!

– Join the cool kids’ wrestling club by following With Spandex on Twitter and Facebook. Follow yours truly on Twitter, too!

Hit the next page to continue smacking down…

WWE

Best: Tonight, I Call You Lana

Roman Reigns has seemingly stopped trying to be a good promo, which might be a positive thing. Roman’s spiel to kick off Smackdown was still plenty dorky, but he came off loose, unforced and generally likable. Much better than his deer in the headlights, “Oh God, I can’t screw up this fifth grade book report” delivery of the past. It also helped that the Sacramento crowd seemed particularly enamored with the guy for whatever reason.

Reigns kept the recap short, and jumped right to point, saying he was totally down for a family vs. family battle with Bray Wyatt. Before he could get to the fist cocking and belee that-ing, Rusev came out to interrupt him. As weary as I am of show-opening talky segments, I’ll admit I’m right back into them so long as somebody slightly unexpected interrupts the proceedings.

Roman Reigns’ American arrogance reminds Rusev of that cold fish Lana, so, for tonight, Rusev will call Reigns “Lana.” Ooooh, snap. That was actually mildly edgy by PG-era standards. Reigns pretending he couldn’t understand Rusev’s perfectly acceptable English was kind of rough, but him calling Rusev a sexist freak who should stop dressing his girlfriend up like a Barbie doll came off like an honest, unscripted reaction. I’ll take genuine over Jack and the Beanstalk any day. Reigns still has a long way to go with the whole speaking words thing, but this felt like a step in a good, less stilted, direction.

WWE

Best: Kings. Kings Among Men.

Um, guys, The New Day are now carrying around a mini basketball hoop and dunking on the heads of unsuspecting crew members. Holy sh*t, how have I never thought of this? I cannot express how badly I want to go back in time and spend a solid afternoon dunking on my little brother’s head. Hmmmm, well, I suppose I don’t have to time travel to do that.

Anyone know where I can get a deal on a mini basketball hoop? Also, if I could get two volunteers to carry me off like a king after the dunking, that’d be much appreciated.

WWE

Best: No Cutting In Line

The New Day vs. Prime Time Players and Mark Henry was super fun stuff. Big E was dropping verbal gold left and right, shouting “Just retire!” at Mark Henry (he’s saying what we’re all thinking!), and later insisting that everybody just chill out during a tense face-off on the outside. Xavier Woods’ defiant “Who sucks now?!” after doing an arm wringer was also classic.

The Prime Time Players were on their game, too. I’m calling it, Darren Young is officially an underrated guy in the ring. Partway through this match, Darren was just blasting around throwing wicked forearms, dropping Kofi on the apron and overhead suplexing Xavier on the floor. Dude was on a tear. This guy is ready to get out of the tag division and start wrestling real matches on his own. Titus and Mark Henry looked solid, too, and hey, Mark Henry actually got to pin a guy, so I guess that retirement isn’t happening just yet.

Supplemental Worst to Jerry Lawler for being particularly awful pretty much all night long. Dude actually made a joke about phonographs during this match, and was on his worst behavior whenever a woman was on screen. Well, okay, not his worst behavior, but worse than he’s been lately. That said, in the interest of balance, Jimmy Uso is gradually improving, and I chuckled at his comments about Titus knocking off Kofi’s nipples. Heh, nipples.

WWE

Best: Pop That New Day

And The New Day hits keep on coming. Rich Brennan/Rip Bronson accosts New Day backstage and asks whether they should go to the back of the line after losing to the tag champs, and they unleash some FURIOUS POSITIVITY on his ass. Of course they shouldn’t go to the back of the line, because Mark Henry pinned them, and he’s not one of the Tag Champs, so don’t point your filthy, nasty, disgusting, finger of negativity at them! Ohhhh, no, no, no!

Our heroes then tried to get a “Heeey, we want some New Day” chant going. Hmmm, that sounds vaguely familiar. Actually, the familiarity isn’t vague at all…

Sorry, guys. The last thing I want to do is get my favorite faction in trouble, but I have to assume somebody in WWE knows how to use Google.

Best: Now We Go To School

Naomi vs. Charlotte wasn’t a great wrestling exhibition, but it was satisfying in its own right. Basically, Naomi forgot everything she’s learned over the past six months and was once again going for Cena-esque springboard whatchamacallits, ugly monkey flips and the ol’ butthole to the head assault. Thankfully, Charlotte wasn’t about to put up with this old-school Divas division clowning, tapped into her Submission Sorority powers, and gave Naomi a (sadly figurative) spanking. She just chopped the crap out of Naomi, bulled her over, and slapped on the Figure Eight, and this match was done. But then…

Best: Lazy Booking Equality

Sasha and Tamina hit the ring before Naomi could tap, but instead of the match just ending in DQ after two minutes, the mysterious invisible Smackdown GM turned it into a tag TEAM match. That may not sound like progress, but it is. The women won’t truly be equal until they get to play with everything in WWE’s Big Box o’ Tired Wrestling Tropes.

Anyways, Charlotte and Becky Lynch vs. Naomi and Sasha was much better than the previous match. Also an improvement, Becky Lynch has dropped her Christmas elf look in favor of her hilarious/awesome frilly bloomers Final Fantasy gear. This outfit forever. Even though there haven’t been any real storylines since the NXT women got called up, they’re already doing a great job of subtly establishing their main roster characters. Charlotte is a monster, who’s tapped into her Flair genes and gained even more power and confidence since being called up, while Sasha is a little shook, and trying to find herself after being forcibly stuck with Naomi’s B-team. Just look at the “ohhhh, sh*t” look on Sasha’s face after Charlotte murders Naomi with a crazy sequence of headscissor suplex things. I’m not even sure how to describe what Charlotte was doing, but Sasha’s reaction was warranted.

I don’t want to give anybody in this match short shrift though. Becky was her usual solid-as-hell self, and worked great with Charlotte. Even Naomi got back on track halfway through the match with some nice heel mannerisms and nasty forearms. The BAD girls beat on Becky for a few minutes, but, eventually, she escaped, and Charlotte unleashed a hot tag barrage that Roman Reigns could take notes from. Unfortunately for Charlotte, she then found herself the victim of a (somewhat messy) roll-up by Naomi. I’m fine with that. I have a soft spot for Naomi, and am into her slightly tragic struggle to remain relevant in the new, more cut-throat Divas division.

Also, and from the beginning of the Charlotte hype package, to the end of this match, WWE devoted more than 20-straight minutes of TV time (almost half-an-hour with commercials) to women’s wrestling. Have they ever done that before? That’s what a revolution looks like.

Best: Use Your Time Wisely

I was tempted to give Stardust vs. Zack Ryder a Worst, for obvious Ryder-related reasons, but the match actually wasn’t bad. It was more back-and-forth than your average Ryder squash, and Stardust hit some genuinely innovative offense. That said, why the hell would you have Stardust wrestle Zack Ryder for five minutes, while this potentially career-making interview languishes on YouTube?

Get your programming priorities straight, WWE.

Best: Skin Masks And Bad Impressions

Hey, Big Show’s back! Was he gone? I dunno, maybe? Anyways, even though he’s just standing around backstage, he’s sweating so badly he’s managed to soak right through a hoodie. Show then launches into an extended Rocky impersonation, randomly segues into talking about the new Mission: Impossible movie, then goes off on how he’s going to rip off The Miz’s face and turn it into Halloween mask. So yeah, Big Show is doped up or dying or something, but, hey, it made for memorably bizarre 90 seconds.

Best: Roman Reigns vs. Rusev

Roman vs. Rusev was okay, in the way most Roman Reigns matches are merely okay. Both guys hit a lot of satisfyingly stiff shots, but there was no story, no build. Just “I’ll punch, now you punch, I’ll hit a clothesline, now you hit a clothesline…” for 10 minutes. It’s almost funny at this point. Roman came up as the guy who stood on the apron waiting for the hot tag, and he still doesn’t know what to do until he gets to run wild at the end of the match. Can somebody not take him aside and explain this? Can Eva Marie maybe let him take some of her classes with Brian Kendrick for the greater good?

But, hey, Roman is good at the running wild thing, and he does throw a good punch. Roman herking Rusev up for a deadlift German suplex and shrugging off a superkick to deliver the Superman punch were badass enough that I’m giving this match a marginal Best. Well, most of the match…

Worst: Trading Places

Way to ruin a potential all-Best Smackdown, terrible babyface Lana. We’ve come full circle — Summer Rae is killing it as the new Lana, and Lana has become Summer Rae from that dark era when she was trapped in an endless breakup with Fandango. Lana is now stuck running out to distract Rusev and catfight with Summer every night for no justifiable reason. Yes, Rusev keeps running her down, but he’s the bad guy. Be the bigger person. Or at least enact the kind of revenge the old Lana would be proud of. Don’t you still have Vladimir Putin’s email? Doesn’t he have any more Soviet Supermen who can teach Rusev a lesson? Playing the impulsive, weave-pulling woman scorned is beneath you.

WWE

Best: Welcome To War

So, Roman gets the distraction-aided win over Rusev, but we still have a couple minutes left on the clock, so here’s Bray Wyatt. Not exactly the show-capper I was hoping for, but Bray thankfully keeps things simple. Family vs. family is on for SummerSlam, and it’s going to be a war. Yeah, I can get into that. Keep exercising the brevity muscle, Bray.

WWE

Pre-show notes:

– With Spandex is on Twitter, so follow it. Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter.

– GIFs via Wrestling With Text.

– Share the column! Your shares, likes and other Internet Things are appreciated.

And now, here’s the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for Aug. 10, 2015.

Worst: “I Look Like I Got A Nosejob From Picasso!”

This is the worst episode of Clutch Cargo I’ve ever seen.

This week’s Smackdown — this is Smackdown, right? — begins with a bunch of wrestlers getting into an argument until Daddy (played by Triple H) shows up and puts them into matches. Seth Rollins starts things off with a Conan O’Brien bit from 20 years ago, using Synchro-Vox to give a still photo of John Cena a superimposed mouth so he can say FUNNY THINGS. Capital letters. He’s interrupted by Cesaro, they’re interrupted by Kevin Owens, we’re all interrupted by Randy Orton, and then matches are made. The ghost of Teddy Long is standing beside Yoda and Obi-Wan in the background.

The worst part of the segment is, “I look like I got a NOSEJOB from PICASSO.” That’s the most direct-from-Vince-McMahon-sounding joke to make the show since the last time somebody had bad breath. Orton throwing shade at Kevin Owens’ weight was also pretty bad, but mostly because Owens didn’t respond with, “Didn’t you spend your first few years here doing drugs and sh*tting in womens’ bags?”

Worst: Becky Lynch, You Take On BELLY

In this week’s Divas Revolution, the Submission Sorority is now “Team PCB” because nobody thought to google “submission sorority” and that was their only idea. Also, Brie Bella pins Tamina with a horrible rollup. We’re through the looking glass, people.

The Bella Twins are faces again, by the way. I don’t know. Brie does Daniel Bryan’s moves in Washington to a big reaction, and they build to Team Bella getting a hot tag even though 1) the Divas Revolution only exists as a way to oust the Bella Twins from power via vague, backhanded threats from Stephanie McMahon, and 2) Sasha Banks was getting big “Sasha” chants. Like I said, I don’t know. They go in and out of it. Are they only heels when they’re wrestling white girls?

That seriously might be it. The Bellas turn into heels again after the match, but only when Paige, Charlotte and Becky interfere to help run them off. Charlotte and Sasha have a brief staredown which is cool if you watch NXT, but has no context or relevance on Raw beyond “we’re on different teams.” We’re still just throwing these women into meaningless matches and asking them to compete for nothing, and at SummerSlam they’re all in a match together for the same. Can we just lie and say Nikki has already passed A.J. as the longest-reigning Divas Champion so we can stop loitering in the name of revolution and start wrestling for a reason?

Additional note: Team B.A.D. referring to the Bellas as “Kardashians” was also interesting, because it felt less like an insult and more like the Bellas wanting someone to compare them to Kardashians.

A supplemental Worst also goes to Michael Cole for saying the Divas Revolution will continue this week on Total Divas, which is both incredibly telling and super-depressing.

Worst: Alicia Fox’s Punches

Just wanted to quickly point this out, jump to the 1:20 mark in the video and keep your eyes on Alicia Fox. Normally I like her stuff a lot, but man, those are some of the worst strikes I’ve seen in a while. It’s like she forgot how to punch. She just kinda steps too hard and touches you with the inside of her forearm. Sasha has to sell it like she just took a Hulk Hogan back rake, and Brie has to not sell it because she’s on the same damn team.

Best Ever: The New Day

First, Hulu is dead to me for always cutting The New Day out of 90-minute Raws.

Second, The New Day’s on such a different level of wonderful right now I’m having trouble explaining it beyond, “Oh my God, look what they did!” Big E’s entrance skip had already started making my heart swell to the brink of bursting, and now he’s dancing on the corpses of his defeated opponents. Seriously, watch motherf*cking Epsilon get it while Woods and Kofi whip and nae nae in his armpits.

Via WWT

Third, Renee Young finds them backstage in the middle of a New Day-themed parody of 2 Live Crew’s ‘We Want Some P*ssy’ (seriously) (SERIOUSLY) and tells them the Tag Team Championship match they expected at SummerSlam now involves Los Matadores and the Lucha Dragons. They deal with is as positively as possible, take turns namedropping great black tag teams (Harlem Heat! Doom!) and clap it out with Renee.

I love them. I love them for real.

Best: Randy Orton, Wrestling’s Best Match-Ender

As mentioned, Triple H puts his eldest son (Randy Orton) in a match against his youngest son (Kevin Owens) for a chance to face his troubled middle child (Seth Rollins). There’s also a foreign-exchange student involved, but we don’t really care about him.

My favorite part of the match was the finish, partially because pop-up powerbomb counters are still fresh and exciting to me, but mostly because Randy Orton is the best wrestler in the business at ending matches. I’ve always said that Orton’s not over, the RKO is, and I stand by it. People LOVE the RKO. If Orton was still beating people with the Overdrive he’d be Mark Jindrak. Give him the Diamond Cutter, though, and he’s a 12-time World Champion and the Vegeta to John Cena’s Goku. Owens goes to powerbomb Cesaro, Cesaro vaults over him and Orton just kinda pops up from the bottom of the screen and RKOs Owens. The timing was great, and the RKO coming “from outta nowhere” always works best for me when they break from “WHOOPS, HE JUMPED AT ME WITH HIS HEAD OUT AND HIS ARMS BACK FOR SOME REASON” convention. It’s still pretty cool when they don’t.

The end result of Orton beating Owens and Cesaro is disappointing, especially when you find out it’s just an excuse to further the Orton/Sheamus feud, but at least we had fun doing it. The Orton/Owens relationship is starting to feel like Hogan/Kidman to me. Like, Cena’s OK putting this guy over for a minute and treating him like a threat, but Orton’s like, “nope, exploder, backbreaker, RKO, eat a salad.”

Best:

YouTube

Cesaro should start calling his springboard European uppercut the “New York slice.”

Best: A 5-Minute Undertaker Video Package

I feel bad typing it because I just gave a Worst to a 5-minute Undertaker video package in the vintage Best and Worst of WWF Monday Night Raw, but this was a good one. WWE’s deepest commitment is constantly reiterating how special The Undertaker’s streak was, so they can still “have it” even though it’s over. It’s a good business decision, although them continuing to release special collector’s edition DVDs of it is a little much. This is the company that said Triple H and Undertaker was “the end of an era” and Rock/Cena was “once in a lifetime,” though, so what should we expect?

Honestly, you could put audio of Paul Heyman yelling stuff over clips of anything and I’d give it a Best. Like, film yourself throwing me down a flight of steps with Paul comparing himself to molten lava behind it and I’ll Best it from my hospital bed.

Best/Worst: Something For The Sake Of Something Something

Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper happens, and that’s not something I should feel apathetic about. Still, it’s just a placeholder thing (with another clean loss for Dean) to build to a tag-team match at SummerSlam. Nothing’s on the line, really. It’s billed as “family vs. family” — it’s actually “family in the Fast & Furious sense vs. a cult that’s not really organized anymore but sticking together for some reason,” but family vs. family works. It should be fun, though, like this was for a minute. They fought a little on the outside, and as soon as the crowd got into it they took it home. Leave them wanting more? I don’t know. I can never tell anymore if they want us to watch Raw or buy WWE Network, because it’s usually one or the other.

WWE needs a tough-love continuity master or whatever to keep their stories in order more than anything, but they also need a person dedicated to saying, “This is why the story’s over, and this is why we’ve moved on to the next thing.” Wrestlers get into these dramatic life or death beefs and then stuff just stops and changes. What’s the end game for Bray Wyatt? What’s he trying to accomplish? Seriously? It’s not a condemning of the wrestler or even the character, but I feel like he’d work 1,000 times better if he had a clear end goal. In NXT, the idea was that he wanted to bring down “the system,” and that when he got called up to the main roster he was going to bring down the biggest system of all. I was in the crowd at his last NXT show … it was like listening to a magnetic preacher. Now he’s just this boring, rambling guy who walks like a crab sometimes and … that’s it? He’s kidnapping people, but not really, and threatening peoples’ families, but not really, and he’s doing condescending collages on backstage room walls for people to find and be freaked out about, but he’s still wrestling and winning and losing matches like nothing matters. I don’t think every wrestler needs an elaborate reason for why they’re a wrestler, but when you’re a crazy supernatural character it’d at least be handy to say, “This is what I’m trying to do.” Kane didn’t show up and just say “I’m a fire guy” and get into feuds with Savio Vega. Undertaker was a zombie controlled by a millionaire. Motherf*cker had a purpose.

Best: Hating-Ass Lana Gets What She Deserves

Lana, a person who is happy to be free from her ex and absolutely loves Dolph Ziggler, sits in on commentary for her ex’s match. Stay with me here.

Rusev wrestles Mark Henry. Neither Rusev nor Hot Summer seem to care much that Lana’s there. As the match goes on, Summer Rae gets on the apron to cheer for Rusev. Now, that in itself could lead to a heel act, but nothing happens. She gets on the apron and yells for a second, and the referee heads over and tells her to get down. Before that can happen, Lana LEAVES COMMENTARY and pulls Summer off the apron. A totally unprovoked attack FROM BEHIND, from the babyface. Rusev yells at her for ruining his match, and Summer recovers enough to roll her in to face him. Watch the body language when Lana’s getting to her feet. Rusev is being intimidating, but Lana’s the one about to do something. Just before Summer jumps her, she’s moving forward like she’s going to slap him again.

The followup is what Lana deserves: Summer retaliating for the cheap shot, and Rusev doing the old Lana “CRUSH” thing so Summer can Accolade her to death. Now the story’s gonna be that Dolph needs to heroically return and stand up for her or whatever, when she’s the one who can’t stop turning it into a self-centered, physical confrontation. In a related note, Summer Rae’s camel clutch is dope.

Oh, and before I forget, Rusev now has a PERSONALIZED BULGARIAN FLAG.

Best: “How Bout That Flag Tho”

Who do I have to throw a fish at to get replica Rusev flags on WWE Shop?

Best: Daniel Bryan Clap Clap Clapclapclap

I’ve had the “Ugh, I wish Daniel Bryan would go away and stay off TV forever” conversation with a lot of people lately. I’m the one saying it. As I may have mentioned before, it’s a total Harry and the Hendersons “goodbye, my friend” thing. He’s my favorite wrestler and I love him and want the best for him. I want him to be healthy and happy and tweet about how great his wife did when she’s throwing phantom punches and CM Punk kicks. I don’t want to see him getting “yes” chants for sitting in a chair at Tough Enough, because it reminds me of the past year and a half of hoping and praying he’d suddenly say, “JUST KIDDING, I’M TOTALLY FINE” and Knee-Plus Seth Rollins into oblivion. It’s … probably not ever happening.

That said, him getting the same crazy amount of love he got in his prime from his hometown-ish crowd warmed my cold, black, smark heart and once again tricked me into believing. A few minutes into his appearance on Miz TV, my brain was like, “Oh man, he’s gonna take Miz to the woodshed for sh*t-talking the Intercontinental Championship, and we’re gonna get Miz vs. Bryan at SummerSlam instead of Show and the increasingly Akira-ish Ryback. This has all been a bad dream. I’m gonna blink my eyes and it’ll be April of 2014 again, The Shield will still be together and Daniel Bryan will be WWE World Heavyweight Champion.” Everything from Kane trying to kidnap Brie on has been a hippie freakout.

Even without that, and ignoring my selfish fan bullsh*t, it’s great to see him on WWE TV again, smiling and getting crazy chants. And hey, bonus points for them tying Bryan’s IC title injury, Ryback’s IC title injury and Miz’s relationship to both into one big story. Ryback returning and wrecking everybody while his old Nexus buddy directed traffic was a lot of fun, too, but I have two complaints.

Worst: Two Complaints

1. Show describing Miz as a “cross-dressing Jedi manure spreader” was written by the Picasso nosejob guy, right? Fire that guy.

2. When Bryan was pointing at Miz, it was to set up a Meathook, and not a running knee. He doesn’t have to be medically cleared to run a few feet and jump with his knee bent, does he? Does he? :(

Worst: King Barrett Loses Clean, Easily, To Set Up A King Barrett Pay-Per-View Match

Wade Barrett is an old pair of shoes. I’m not even elaborating on it. He’s shoes. Put an old pair of shoes in the ring and rest a crown on them and that’s what Wade Barrett’s bringing to the show.

Best: Stardust Was Once An Adventurer Like You, Then He Took An Arrow In The Knee

The post-match stuff is all that matters, with Arrow star and future Casey Jones in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 (the secret of the ooze?) Stephen Amell jumping in the ring and throwing hands with Stardust.

I don’t care about CW super hero shows even a little bit, but Amell hits a perfect guest star sweet spot. Sometimes you get a guest that legitimately loves WWE and/or pro wrestling, but they’re not an athlete. Jon Stewart’s a good example. Sometimes you get a great athlete who doesn’t care about wrestling at all, and is just there for publicity. Sometimes you get a guy like Bradley Cooper who isn’t an athlete AND doesn’t like wrestling, and he just walks out, says MY MOVIE’S COMING OUT, waves and bails. What works about Amell is that he’s a legitimate wrestling fan who wants to be here, and he’s an athlete, so what he does when he’s here looks good. Plus, he’s famous, but not famous, so he’s willing to mess around, get pie-faced or whatever and take some risks. It’s a perfect combination.

Plus, they managed to let him get over as an athlete AND as a personality in like a minute. Here he is standing up to Triple H while Neville stands between them looking like a lost child:

My only request is that he dresses like Arrow for the match, and that they go full Blood Runs Cold with it. The finish should be him shooting Cody with a boxing glove arrow. Also, Wade Barrett should have to wrestle the entire match as the Clock King.

Best: Another RKO, Because Why Not

Like most Randy Orton matches, the good work they do for 15 minutes doesn’t matter … it’s all about the finish, with Seth launching himself into a spectacular Jumping Nothing so Orton can snatch his flying edges and RKO him into dust. It was pristine and gorgeous, especially since it started like this:

Via WWT

Of course, you can’t have Seth Rollins defending the WWE World Heavyweight Championship without him being seconds away from helplessly losing until someone magically appears and saves him.

Worst: Sheamus, But More Specifically That Referee

Sheamus is a Flintstones push-pop in the body of a wrestler, so of course he spoils the main event and tries to cash in his Money in the Bank contract in the least effective, least believable way they’ve ever done it. Sheamus briefly (briefly) incapacitates Orton, the guy who was about to win the match, and is like YEAH, I’M GONNA CASH IN MONEY IN THE BANK RIGHT NOW, AND THERE’S NO WAY THAT GUY I’M FEUDING WITH WHO IS LYING LIKE 10 FEET AWAY FROM ME IS GONNA GET UP AND SPOIL IT.

He hands the referee the briefcase, and neither of them will let go. Sheamus is like CASH IT IN, I WANT TO CASH IT IN RIGHT NOW, YES, YES SIR, I WOULD LIKE TO CASH IN MONEY IN THE BANK RIGHT NOW. The referee appears to have no idea what he’s talking about, which would be a great story. “Oh, sorry, it’s my first day, I don’t know how it works.” They meander around with it long enough for Orton to get into position, and the fourth RKO of the night ruins it.

The announcers emphasize that the bell didn’t ring so it doesn’t count, but like … shouldn’t it? If Sheamus is all I’M CASHING THIS IN RIGHT NOW and gets beaten up before he gets a chance to say “no, I don’t actually want to cash it in right now,” shouldn’t the ref just ring the bell anyway? I know that’s nitpicking and there’s ridiculous precedent for it, but it sucks. The point of Money in the Bank is that there’s a great reward, but also a great risk. You can cash it in and lose, and you’re the world’s biggest chump. Damien Sandow, I’m looking in your direction. They should’ve rung the bell, Orton should’ve pulled Rollins over him and cost him the briefcase. If you don’t want to give Rollins a win, stomp Sheamus in the back of the head after it rings and cause a DQ. He still loses his shot. Hell, let Sheamus win it so you can get another WWE Championship shot at SummerSlam. You guys are feuding and he already ruined your championship match, you might as well do what’s Best For Business.

Anyway; wrestling, everybody.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week

Taylor Swish

WWE: Straight Outta Ideas

EtsukoMita_IsDyingInside

Rollins to Cesaro to Owens to Orton is the de-evolution of pants.

AshBlue

That 50-50 remark about Cena at Summerslam just means he has a 50% chance of winning and a 50% chance of not losing.

Wait A Minute Rice

Much like the Raiders, Team BAD proudly reps black and silver and 1/3 of the team wouldn’t be on any other franchise’s active roster.

Jello224

Darren Young looks a lot like Russel Wilson with that Seahawks hat on. Fun fact: Neither of them have any interest in having sex with Ciara.

The Real Birdman

Too bad your dad was in prison & couldn’t play catch with you Dean

TechFall

Roman: how do I eat
Dean: sitting down
Roman: how do I read
Dean: with your eyes
Roman: Boom no way he could’ve known these things if we weren’t brothers

Sammy Davis Jr.

“Daniel, my wife is French and less annoying than yours. Explain.”

XPacEnergyDrink

STEPHEN AMELL: KING OF STRONG STYLE

Stalemate Associate

HHH: “Yeah, like I’m gonna book Barrett for SummerSlam.”

Thanks, everybody. See you next week, when The Flash shows up and tries to punch Goldust.

WWE

Lana ought to be guilty about that denim halter-top, leather mini-jacket combo.

Pre-show Notes:

– Speaking of guilt, a hearty finger shake to anybody who reads and comments on this report, but doesn’t share it on social media! Here’s the buttons…

– Join the cool kids’ wrestling club by following With Spandex on Twitter and Facebook. Follow yours truly on Twitter, too!

Hit the next page to continue smacking down…

Best: Broken Wood Is No Good

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I think WWE may actually be starting to realize the amazing thing they have on their hands with The New Day. Case in point, they both opened and closed Smackdown. They did an in-ring segment, a backstage bit, commentary and a long match all on one show. Sure, that show was Smackdown, but still, that’s something.

I feel like I need to quote every word that came out of New Day’s mouths during this opening segment. Kofi standing up for the dignity of good, honest, hardworking American tables? Xavier demanding that we respect tables because The New Day signed their contracts on one? Astounding. The Dudley Boyz have ZERO REGARD for a table’s place in history.

Speaking of which, the Dudleyz of course showed up to interrupt The New Day’s ode to particle board. I suppose I should be doing that smarky thing where I turn on the Dudleyz for being violent, one-note WWE babyfaces, but whatever, I’ve got nothing against the Dudz. There’s a certain simple-mindedness and honest to the Dudleyz that I find appealing. They’re two guys who never stop yelling and have a clinical obsession with throwing dudes through cheap tables. They’re forces of nature, not characters, and there’s no point in getting angry at nature.

Best: Big E Commentator Voice Forever

Titus and Darren then came out, acting vaguely heelish, which led to The Dudley Boyz vs. Prime Time Players. The match was competent and hit the nostalgic highspots as 2015 Dudley Boyz matches do. I appreciate the Dudleyz bringing a certain intensity to WWE’s fun, but deeply dorky, tag team division. Watching Titus heave around Bubba Ray during his hot tag was also a memorable sight.

The real highlight continued to be The New Day, who formed their own three-man announce crew and completely commandeered the commentary desk. I could listen to Big E doing his nerdy commentary voice all day. I should record it and let it whisk me away to sleep at night. Also, the guys’ riff about Bubba’s camouflage making him invisible might have been the funniest thing they’ve ever said or done. Well, funniest thing that doesn’t involve Xavier woods playing a trombone. Speaking of which…

WWE

Best: Sad Trombone

After the match, Renee Young caught up with New Day backstage and informed them they had a match tonight, which they were APPALLED by. I love heels that show up to the arena in full gear, but assume they won’t have to wrestle until somebody expressly tells them so. Renee then informed them their opponents with be Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose and Xavier responded with sad trombone noises. YES. I knew it had to happen eventually, and I’m glad it happened on my show.

Best: The Cosmic Wasteland

Neville was set to face Stardust for the thousandth time, but before he could get to the ring, he was jumped by The Ascension of all people. After a brief beatdown, Stardust announced he and The Ascension would now be going as The Cosmic Wasteland, and that was that. The whole thing probably lasted less than three minutes. There’s a very good chance Cosmic Wasteland will blast straight off to nowhere, but I’m taking this as a positive for now. At least they’re doing something with The Ascension, and a supervillain should always have flunkies. Maybe Cody can even teach Konnor and Viktor some face painting techniques more advanced than “put a triangle on your forehead that emphasizes your unfortunate hairline.”

Worst: Superman’s Dead

Cesaro came out for his match against Sheamus with a ridiculously taped up abdomen, because I guess the Swiss Superman grazed the announce desk on Raw? That’s not terribly super. I’m pretty sure it takes more than a fall on a table to break Cesaro’s torso.

So yeah, everything about this match was designed to make Cesaro wrestling a little less fun. We knew Sheamus was going to take advantage of the ribs win, so there was no suspense. Whenever Cesaro went for a big power move, he had to sell the ribs. Sure, he was still throwing uppercuts like crazy, but this was Cesaro running at about 60 percent for no good reason. And then Sheamus hit a Brogue Kick outta nowhere and Cesaro once again didn’t back up his big talk. Maybe it’s time to return to the Fortress of Swiss Solitude to regroup.

Worst: Stressing The Foundation

Man, do I not want to want to dig into this radioactive cesspool. So, Hot Summer goes on Miz TV (already a bad start) and says after she snuck into Dolph’s locker room, he grabbed her and kissed her. Uh, WWE does realize a naked dude forcing kisses on a lady is sexual assault, right? Even if you want to play the game where WWE is a fantasy world where real world bad things don’t happen, the company is still asking viewers to root against the sobbing woman with a nasty black eye who claims a guy took advantage of her. That’s all kinds of ugly. Of course we’re supposed to assume Summer is lying. She certainly looked furtive as she snuck into Dolph’s locker room, but WWE hasn’t shown us what actually happened in that room. This isn’t really a thing you can do a fun “Ooooo, did they or didn’t they?” thing with. They need to clear up any ambiguity quickly, because trying to do a story with these kind of icky overtones on WWE TV is like building a brick and stone second story on a bouncy castle. That shit is not architecturally sound.

Anyways, Dolph and Lana come out and Dolph is like, denial, snark, denial, so Summer cues up some long-forgotten footage of her and Dolph making out over Fandango’s corpse. Oh yeah, a reminder of that angle is just what this segment needed. This of course triggers Lana’s BESZERKER CATFIGHT RAGE. Dolph tries to pull them apart, but Lana gets mad at him and storms off, then Summer leaps up, starts hurling shoes and screaming “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH, BITCH” repeatedly, uncensored, on the kids’ wrestling show. Jesus. Also, where the hell was Rusev in all of this? My kingdom for a portly Bulgarian man tossing fishes.

Best: The Bo Beatdown

Well, this was a surprise! Turns out Bo being mauled by Brock Lesnar a couple weeks ago on Raw is actually going to lead to something? R-Truth was cackling like an asshole after they replayed Bo’s trip to Suplex City, so Bo just took him to the woodshed and hit him with a new rope-assisted swinging neckbreaker finisher for the win. I’m not crazy about the new finisher (something that doesn’t involve the ropes, please), but a Bo Dallas push, no matter how minor, is reason to Bolieve.

WWE

Best: Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

Faint praise time – this was the best main roster Divas talking segment in weeks. It still involved a super awkward pinky swear, and they won’t let Charlotte say three-consecutive words without dropping a reference to her dad, but some constructive things were achieved. The focus is now solidly on the Divas title, and Nikki’s assertion a couple weeks back that wins and losses don’t matter is now being framed as a heel thing. Charlotte also said she’s petitioned The Authority to have her title match moved forward to before Nikki will set the Divas Title record, so the BellaTron is no longer counting down to a depressing inevitability. Stakes! Logic! Women asserting control over their own destiny! This is all we want.

Worst: Well, This Is Awkward

Ohhhh jeez. Oh no. They sent Tamina out to lose a match on the evening of the day her dad was charged with murder. Against the other woman in the division who has a famous dad. And the only thing the commentators could talk about the whole time was Ric Flair and living up to your father’s legacy as a second-generation wrestler. I’ve never wanted to give Tamina a hug so badly. Granted, I’ve never really wanted to give Tamina a hug at all previously, but the sentiment still stands.

Unsurprisingly, Tamina just stood in the middle of the ring looking kind of dazed and shoving Charlotte away when she got close, then Charlotte speared her and hit the Natural Selection for the basically effortless win. But hey, good on Tamina for doing as much as she did. If I just learned by dying father had been charged with murder, you wouldn’t be able to wrestle me out of bed, never mind wrestle me in the ring.

WWE

Worst: Feed Him More

Uh oh. Kevin Owens called out people for judging the way he looks, which, in an ideal world, could lead to an interesting storyline, but this is the WWE. Any WWE storyline that revolves around somebody’s weight always ends up being six weeks of that person being treated as subhuman, followed by one brief moment of redemption on PPV that is soon forgotten. Nobody remembers that Mickie James won the title from Michelle McCool in the end. They just remember the weeks of cruel “Piggy James” jokes. Also, how does Kevin Owens standing up to bullies and fat-shamers not make him a good guy? Owens hinted he’d be feuding with Ryback – is WWE going expect us to laugh along as the most action figure-looking guy in the company presents Photoshops of Kevin Owens washing himself with a rag on a stick? No f*cking thank you. Run, Owens, run.

Best: 2/3 Of The Shield vs. The New Day

This was some pretty solid action. The New Day’s in-ring work isn’t up to the crazy high standards they’ve set on the mic, but it was fun to see somebody new in a main-event, and, shockingly, New Day were presented as a serious threat to Reigns and Ambrose. The body of the match featured some good work by Roman Reigns and Big E, who were doling out some nice stiff shots and clotheslines. The final minutes were mostly about Kofi Kingston showing off his underrated bumping skills. Kofi getting shot out of the sky with a Superman punch off a springboard attempt was particularly choice. And then, Xavier Woods ran in for the DQ. So sure, New Day didn’t win, but they weren’t immediately humiliated and pinned by Roman Reigns, which is exactly what would have happened just a few weeks ago. Like I said, I think WWE may be figuring this thing out.

WWE

Worst: Let’s Do This Right Now!

After the match, Roman got on the mic and demanded the Wyatts fight himself and Ambrose, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, WOOOOO! Yeah, okay. At least there’s an element of believability when guys pull out this trope at the beginning of the show, but it’s hard to buy any challenge issued an hour and 59 minutes into a two-hour show. Still, I was kind of hoping Braun Strowman would leap in out of nowhere and choke both Ambrose and Reigns out immediately. You best not step to Bro Strongman, even if there’s only 30 seconds left on the clock.

WWE

WWE’s Lana has suffered a wrist injury that could keep her on the shelf for the remainder of 2015.

According to a report from WWE.com, the Ravishing Russian fractured her wrist while training in the ring before a WWE live event in Fairfax, Va. over the weekend, and will require surgery.

“During a training session [Sunday] afternoon, Lana had sustained an injury in the ring. We attended to her and noticed that she had a deformity of her wrist,” said WWE’s senior ringside physician Dr. Scott Amann.

Dr. Amann continued, “We obtained X-rays which showed a Colles’ fracture and [we put her] in a splint. Most of these Colles’ fractures do better surgically than non-surgically, especially in younger patients. Most likely this will require an operation, which will take her out of active competition for approximately four months.”

The timing couldn’t be worse for Lana as a performer, as it appeared WWE was finally priming her for in-ring competition after years of being a ringside valet. She’d split from her longtime partner Rusev and had become the stonewashed, fun-loving, fish-dodging girlfriend of Dolph Ziggler, and the two had been feuding with Rusev and his new “fake Lana,” Summer Rae. Lana and Summer have been attacking each other in and around the ring for weeks, and now the rumored mixed tag-team match at the upcoming Night of Champions event featuring the four appears to be an impossibility.

We wish Lana a speedy recovery, and hope the time away allows her to remember how great it was when her two great loves were Vladimir Putin, and ordering camel clutches with hand signals.

WWE

They’ve long been the favorite real-life wrestling couple here at With Spandex, and now the Bulgarian Brute has thrown kayfabe to the wind and proposed to his girlfriend Lana. TMZ exclusively reported (Is it exclusive? We can’t tell) that Rusev proposed back in September:

Sources close to the couple tell TMZ Rusev proposed to his WWE manager gf last month at their Nashville home. We’re told Rusev proposed in the couple’s swimming pool and filmed the whole thing.

Finally we can stop saying, “If you like it then you should be Putin a ring on it.” Okay, maybe that’s only me, but who am I to stand in the way of the natural course of love and/or/especially a good pun?

In case you’ve missed it, or intentionally skipped any storyline that involves Dolph Ziggler having a girlfriend because it will inevitably get awful, Lana has been part of a torrid onscreen romance with Big Daddy Zigs that involves acid-wash denim outfits and sad shoe-based catfights with Summer Rae. Summer Rae took the unfortunate role of Rusev’s rebound ladyfriend, with the two currently engaged to be engaged pending a championship win. Both couples have worked overtime to keep kayfabe on their various forms of social media, though Lana did recently post this picture featuring her ridiculous engagement ring:

Rusev, on the other hand…

Amazing. Congrats, you crazy kids.

WWE

Uh oh. Just when you thought we could finally hit the reset button on the terrible Ziggler, Lana, Summer Rae, Rusev love rhombus and get Ru Ru back to fighting literally anyone else, all of our hopes and dreams have been torn asunder. Torn like Rusev’s bicep, that is. Hahaha, see what we did there?

Word is that Rusev suffered an injury during his match against Neville for the next episode of WWE Main Event. The injury was immediately apparent, causing them (spoiler alert for the 14 people waiting to watch the show) to stop the match and declare Neville the winner. Rusev apparently still went on a little walkabout to menace fans and show off in front of the camera before heading to the back.

Word going around, according to PWInsider, is that Rusev suffered a torn bicep. Those are crazy hard to heal when on the more severe end. If that’s what it is, the recovery could keep him out of action for anywhere between three to six weeks for a partial tear, all the way up to four to six months if it’s severe and also requires surgery.

Poor Ru Ru. Lucky for him, the NHL season is under way. There are worse ways to recover than by chilling out at a bunch of hockey games. Literally. Because arenas are cold. Hahaha, see what we also did there?

YouTube

Lana, the Ravishing Russian, has been a little bit of a fish out of water ever since she split from Rusev. She went from being one of the best around as a manager to being … well, I wouldn’t call her the “worst” wrestler on the main roster, but she’s definitely in one of the lower percentiles. But she’s new! She hasn’t really had much success in the ring so far, but she sure keeps getting title shots!

The Total Divas star took to Twitter on Wednesday to sort of unprompted and ill-advisedly tweet a taunt at Charlotte Flair, which reads like she thinks being a wrestler isn’t what she aspires to … as a wrestler in WWE.

Fans sort of dragged her for the tweet, but there was no retort more succinct or pointed than Flair’s:

Flair is a five-time women’s champion and is widely considered to be one of the best women wrestlers of her generation. Plus, her dad is Ric Flair, which is always good for some bragging rights. Lana is … winless in televised singles competition in WWE. So we’re just going to say Flair wins this one, too.

Lana seems to be taking it all in stride, however, and is doubling down on her assertion that looking good > wrestling well.

It is heartening to know that Lana plans on not only living to be 120 years old, but also to be looking DYNAMITE at that advanced age. We can only hope that she’s back with Rusev by the time she turns 120.

What would you even do for a 120th birthday party, anyway? (Other than pray for the merciful release of death, I mean.) You know what I would do? Dave and Buster’s. Even 120-year-olds can appreciate some video game trivia.

Youtube

This year has been a year of growth for WWE’s “Ravishing Russian” Lana as she has evolved from being a manager for her husband Rusev to becoming a legitimate in-ring competitor. In her current role on WWE’s Smackdown Live, Lana is a mentor of sorts for her friend Tamina, who she is trying to assist by making her more ravishing like Lana is.

Earlier this year, Lana challenged Naomi for the Smackdown’s Women’s Title, which included three title matches that she lost. While Lana isn’t considered to be as good as most of the women on the main roster in terms of in-ring work, she is trying hard and did well enough that she didn’t embarrass herself. Plus, she does have a lot of star power and is very good at getting a reaction from the crowd whether she’s cheered or booed.

Lana is also a part of Total Divas on E!, which returns with a new season next Wednesday. In promoting the show, Lana did an exclusive interview with EOnline talking about how Nikki Bella helped her when she thought about leaving wrestling.

“Nikki has helped me so, so, so much. There have been times in my wrestling journey—and you’re going to see this on the show—when I’ve gotten discouraged because the success doesn’t come overnight. It’s a lot of getting in there and failing. She was really the person that kept on encouraging me not to give up, to be resilient, to be brave and to have courage.

“At times, I would think maybe I shouldn’t continue to pursue my dream of competing in that ring, but she kept on telling me not to give up and keep on training. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wasn’t for Nikki Bella.”

Lana also spoke about how she isn’t content with just being a manager and the 32-year-old wants to keep wrestling.

“My whole life, since I’ve been a little girl, I’ve watched wrestling and I’ve always wanted to wrestle. I just never thought that I was good enough to do that. I never thought I had the talent to be a professional wrestler. But I don’t want to just hold a microphone and be someone’s manager. I want to get in that ring and fight and compete. There’s nothing in the entire world that has that adrenaline rush.”

I think WWE is hurting Lana and Rusev by not having them together on screen because she’s good for him. I can understand them wanting to do their own things, but it’s not like he’s in a better role today than he was when she was managing him. They need more managers in WWE and she was very good at it, so why go away from it? Hopefully they will reunite on Smackdown soon. She can still wrestle in that role too. I guess it’s up to the creative team to find the right role for her.

WWE

When wrestling fans talk about possible next steps for women in WWE, the idea of establishing women’s tag team championships always comes up. Triple H has even addressed the issue, and there was widespread speculation that these titles could be announced at the company’s first all-women pay-per-view, Evolution. It turns out at least one WWE performer, Lana, shared those suspicions.

Lana recently appeared on the Nerdist web talk show Fangirling for an interview with Markeia McCarty, and the Ravishing Russian’s thoughts on a future women’s tag team division came up almost immediately. McCarty asked Lana about her experience at Evolution, and the wrestler/manager replied,

“It was incredible. I think so many of us girls couldn’t have even imagined having an all-women’s pay-per-view and so to be able to experience this and be a part of it, I’m just very, very thankful.

One of these days when we’re going to get tag titles, that’s, I’m like… We have to do that. I was hoping really that we were going to announce it at there because when they told us we had to come out at the end and everyone has to come out on stage, I’m like “Oh, they’re going to announce tag titles. It’s happening!”… It’s going to happen. It’s exciting to be able to work towards those things.”

When the conversation turned to Lana’s past as a dancer, she mentioned recent dance-off rival Naomi as someone she both loves to wrestle and has talked about being tag partners with (team name: Ravishing Glow.)

If your response to this is Noooo, don’t talk the Naomi and Asuka partnership away from me; they have tag team moves and matching gear and everything, that brings to mind how many women in WWE are already paired off in a way that could easily be transferred to tag team competition in pursuit of championships instead of (or as well as) personal beef. On SmackDown, we have the aforementioned Naomi and Asuka, Sonya Deville and Mandy Rose, and The Iiconics, duos that have largely been wrestling each other in tag matches anyway. On Raw, we have Sasha Banks and Bayley (who already have a team name, the Boss and Hug Connection), the Riott Squad, Natalya and Ronda Rousey, the Bella Twins, Nia Jax and Tamina, and even Lita and Trish Stratus if they come back for more guest appearances. On NXT, the Four Horsewomen of MMA are assembling and Io Shirai, Kairi Sane, and Dakota Kai are becoming established as a group.

If these championships ever materialize, like Lana sounds sure they will, it’s easy to imagine what WWE’s women’s tag title pictures would look like. What are your thoughts on this possible development? Who would you like to see as the inaugural champions? Let us know in the comments!

E!

Season 9 of Total Divas is beginning filming for release on the E! Network later this year, and that means we’re starting to get new about changes in the cast. The first thing that came out was on Lillian Garcia’s Chasing Glory podcast, where Lana revealed that she and Rusev were taken off the show because E! says viewers simply don’t like them. (thanks to WrestlingInc for the transcript)

…Apparently, they had a meeting with the E! [Network] executives, and there’s a whole bunch of new E! executives now, and when Kevin Dunn told me that E! Executives took a poll and we are strongly disliked by the E! demographic. They do not like us, and that, basically, I’m hated, we’re hated, and the E! executives thought our stories were very slapstick. They were a strong no. The executives were a strong no. I was shocked.

Lana was often a force for chaos on the show in a not-particularly-likable manner, and had some pretty intense conflicts with both Nattie and Paige, so this choice is not too baffling, although it must be disappointing to everyone who like seeing Lana do farm work in a bikini while Rusev grills out naked.

Fortunately a promising new cast member has been added to take their place. Sonya Deville will become the first lesbian cast member on the show, and her girlfriend will be on it with her. Sonya spoke about all of this with Afterbuzz TV (transcript again from WrestlingInc.)

Obviously I’m nervous, because any time you have cameras in your personal life, inside your home, in your relationship, it is obviously nerve racking. My life is crazy and shit happens sometimes that I’m not proud of, and I make mistakes. It’s going to all be captured on TV and it’s going to air, and people are hopefully going to be able to relate to some of those mistakes, and stuff like that. My girlfriend will be on this season with me, and so that’s a big thing for her because she’s not in the public eye like I am. She’s not used to cameras in her face. It’s going to be an adjustment for her as well, and our relationship.

Just to be clear, since Sonya didn’t name her girlfriend, she and Zahra Schreiber broke up a long time ago. So the girlfriend who will be on Total Divas with her will be someone new. Considering Zahra’s history with WWE, Sonya breaking up with her probably made joining the Total Divas cast much more likely, although I assume that wasn’t the reason for the split.

YouTube

Over the weekend, actress Stephanie Beatriz — aka Rosa Diaz from ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine,’ who I’d call one of my favorite characters on that show if every character on that show wasn’t “my favorite character from that show” — posted to social media about a random blonde holding up traffic by doing a photo shoot in the middle of the street in Los Angeles.

As you guessed from the headline, or from having watched enough pro wrestling to recognize the back of these people’s heads, that mid-traffic model turned out to be WWE’s ‘Ravishing Russian’ Lana.

Also as you might’ve imagined, Lana immediately fired back on social media, and now I’m pleased to share that a WWE Superstar is Twitter beefing with someone from the Nine-Nine. We’re one step closer to Rusev feuding with Nikolaj.

But for real, if Saturday Night Live is sending Michael Che and Colin Jost from Weekend Update to WrestleMania as “correspondents,” can we leverage this feud and those connections to get Andy Samberg on the show? Samberg interacting with his jacked pro wrestling doppelganger EC3 (well, more so during his NXT rookie days), is the kind of thing that needs to happen.

Regardless, let’s get Rosa Diaz cutting a promo on WWE TV soon.

Fox/Giphy

WWE

When wrestling fans talk about possible next steps for women in WWE, the idea of establishing women’s tag team championships always comes up. Triple H has even addressed the issue, and there was widespread speculation that these titles could be announced at the company’s first all-women pay-per-view, Evolution. It turns out at least one WWE performer, Lana, shared those suspicions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AfJnVUOGWA

Lana recently appeared on the Nerdist web talk show Fangirling for an interview with Markeia McCarty, and the Ravishing Russian’s thoughts on a future women’s tag team division came up almost immediately. McCarty asked Lana about her experience at Evolution, and the wrestler/manager replied,

“It was incredible. I think so many of us girls couldn’t have even imagined having an all-women’s pay-per-view and so to be able to experience this and be a part of it, I’m just very, very thankful.

One of these days when we’re going to get tag titles, that’s, I’m like… We have to do that. I was hoping really that we were going to announce it at there because when they told us we had to come out at the end and everyone has to come out on stage, I’m like “Oh, they’re going to announce tag titles. It’s happening!”… It’s going to happen. It’s exciting to be able to work towards those things.”

When the conversation turned to Lana’s past as a dancer, she mentioned recent dance-off rival Naomi as someone she both loves to wrestle and has talked about being tag partners with (team name: Ravishing Glow.)

If your response to this is Noooo, don’t talk the Naomi and Asuka partnership away from me; they have tag team moves and matching gear and everything, that brings to mind how many women in WWE are already paired off in a way that could easily be transferred to tag team competition in pursuit of championships instead of (or as well as) personal beef. On SmackDown, we have the aforementioned Naomi and Asuka, Sonya Deville and Mandy Rose, and The Iiconics, duos that have largely been wrestling each other in tag matches anyway. On Raw, we have Sasha Banks and Bayley (who already have a team name, the Boss and Hug Connection), the Riott Squad, Natalya and Ronda Rousey, the Bella Twins, Nia Jax and Tamina, and even Lita and Trish Stratus if they come back for more guest appearances. On NXT, the Four Horsewomen of MMA are assembling and Io Shirai, Kairi Sane, and Dakota Kai are becoming established as a group.

If these championships ever materialize, like Lana sounds sure they will, it’s easy to imagine what WWE’s women’s tag title pictures would look like. What are your thoughts on this possible development? Who would you like to see as the inaugural champions? Let us know in the comments!

E!

Season 9 of Total Divas is beginning filming for release on the E! Network later this year, and that means we’re starting to get new about changes in the cast. The first thing that came out was on Lillian Garcia’s Chasing Glory podcast, where Lana revealed that she and Rusev were taken off the show because E! says viewers simply don’t like them. (thanks to WrestlingInc for the transcript)

…Apparently, they had a meeting with the E! [Network] executives, and there’s a whole bunch of new E! executives now, and when Kevin Dunn told me that E! Executives took a poll and we are strongly disliked by the E! demographic. They do not like us, and that, basically, I’m hated, we’re hated, and the E! executives thought our stories were very slapstick. They were a strong no. The executives were a strong no. I was shocked.

Lana was often a force for chaos on the show in a not-particularly-likable manner, and had some pretty intense conflicts with both Nattie and Paige, so this choice is not too baffling, although it must be disappointing to everyone who like seeing Lana do farm work in a bikini while Rusev grills out naked.

Fortunately a promising new cast member has been added to take their place. Sonya Deville will become the first lesbian cast member on the show, and her girlfriend will be on it with her. Sonya spoke about all of this with Afterbuzz TV (transcript again from WrestlingInc.)

Obviously I’m nervous, because any time you have cameras in your personal life, inside your home, in your relationship, it is obviously nerve racking. My life is crazy and shit happens sometimes that I’m not proud of, and I make mistakes. It’s going to all be captured on TV and it’s going to air, and people are hopefully going to be able to relate to some of those mistakes, and stuff like that. My girlfriend will be on this season with me, and so that’s a big thing for her because she’s not in the public eye like I am. She’s not used to cameras in her face. It’s going to be an adjustment for her as well, and our relationship.

Just to be clear, since Sonya didn’t name her girlfriend, she and Zahra Schreiber broke up a long time ago. So the girlfriend who will be on Total Divas with her will be someone new. Considering Zahra’s history with WWE, Sonya breaking up with her probably made joining the Total Divas cast much more likely, although I assume that wasn’t the reason for the split.

YouTube

Over the weekend, actress Stephanie Beatriz — aka Rosa Diaz from ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine,’ who I’d call one of my favorite characters on that show if every character on that show wasn’t “my favorite character from that show” — posted to social media about a random blonde holding up traffic by doing a photo shoot in the middle of the street in Los Angeles.

As you guessed from the headline, or from having watched enough pro wrestling to recognize the back of these people’s heads, that mid-traffic model turned out to be WWE’s ‘Ravishing Russian’ Lana.

Also as you might’ve imagined, Lana immediately fired back on social media, and now I’m pleased to share that a WWE Superstar is Twitter beefing with someone from the Nine-Nine. We’re one step closer to Rusev feuding with Nikolaj.

But for real, if Saturday Night Live is sending Michael Che and Colin Jost from Weekend Update to WrestleMania as “correspondents,” can we leverage this feud and those connections to get Andy Samberg on the show? Samberg interacting with his jacked pro wrestling doppelganger EC3 (well, more so during his NXT rookie days), is the kind of thing that needs to happen.

Regardless, let’s get Rosa Diaz cutting a promo on WWE TV soon.

Fox/Giphy

WWE has recently seen an influx of performers who seemed to be on the outs with the company earlier this year make dramatic returns. Sasha Banks is now a heel with blue hair who’s facing Becky Lynch at Hell In A Cell, Lio Rush is number one contender to the Cruiserweight Championship, Luke Harper is reunited with his brother in bludgeoning, and Rusev might be the kayfabe father of Maria Kanellis’s baby.

But while Rusev is back on WWE TV with a sweet mustache, his real-life and kayfabe wife, Lana, is not. She hasn’t wrestled since the WrestleMania 35 pre-show Women’s Battle Royal and hasn’t played an on-screen managerial role either. However, according to The Wrestling Observer Newsletter, this doesn’t mean Lana is gone forever. The company reportedly has ideas for her character that they haven’t put into action yet.

Maybe the most insane direction (but also kind of logical?) direction WWE could go with Lana is having her get involved in the Mike-Maria-Rusev angle, making it even more dramatic and maybe leading to some kind of mixed tag match of Maria and Rusev vs. Mike and Lana. They’ve done multiple weird cheating angles with Lana and Rusev in the past! Of course, Lana has also competed in the women’s division and managed Tamina at one point, so there are a variety of things WWE could do with her just judging from what she’s done in the company in the past.

Do you have any theories about Lana’s WWE future? Let us know in the comments section!

Ha ha! My man!

With WWE 2K20 set to release on October 22, 2K and Visual Concepts held a pre-Friday Night Smackdown event in the T-Mobile arena in Las Vegas, giving press time to preview the game and meet and mingle with some WWE Superstars. UPROXX was lucky enough to be there, and of course the first person we wanted to talk to was Bobby Lashley.

Lashley’s been a hot topic of conversation as of late, from his “holy shit” Raw opening that really should’ve been the moment to usher in the new stage and set, to his very different kind of holy shit Raw ending making out with Lana. We sat down with the All Mighty to talk … well, that, as well as other, less controversial topics, such as Tecmo Super Bowl and his future NXT run. No, really.

With Spandex: So, uh, how you been feeling about the last couple of weeks of TV? What’s the response been?

Bobby Lashley: I’m the luckiest man in the world. Yeah, something awesome. Something new, something different. You know, with me, I’m not so big on social media. I’m not a big vocal person most of the time. I think they’re just trying to see different layers of me and… this is fun. I mean, Lana is … she is smoking.

Well, we’re certainly seeing some layers of you.

But you know, it’s kind of one of those things where what do you do when somebody takes your girl and you can’t do anything about it. That’s the whole storyline.

My favorite thing about that whole bit is people on Twitter who are like, “Bobby’s going into business for himself with that leg grab.”

Damn right. Go big or go home.

There’s a lot of that on Raw as of late. There’s that, there’s the Mike and Maria Kanellis baby story, there’s Drake Maverick not being able to sleep with his wife because of the 24/7 Championship. There’s a whole lot of cuckolding and marital infidelity going on.

There’s a little mix. When I grew up watching wrestling, it was just chaos all the time and that’s why we liked it. We went away from that for a little while, but I think the chaos is starting to come back. I want to see people get beat up really bad. I’ve got a number of people that I’m going to come back and beat up really bad. Then the storylines with the women, that’s always something that wrestling has had forever and we’re going back there.

The people on top, the people that are putting pen to paper on it, it’s going to be crazy. It’s going to be great. I told them, I said, “You know what? There’s people that won’t and there’s people that will, and fuck, I’m all the way will.” I think it’s going to be fun. I’m ready to do anything. I feel like I’m 20 years old, man.

We’re here talking about WWE 2K20. Were you ever into video games?

I used to be huge into video games, but there was a little span where I had to take it easy a little bit with the kids and raising the kids and everything, but now my kids are back at that age where they’re playing all the time. I get in there and I mix it up with them. Yesterday was football. Me and my son’s big into football right now. His team’s doing amazing so we did a lot of football yesterday, but this game, of course, the WWE game, they love to turn on and see dad and do all that stuff. So I’m back in it. Any man is going to spend a little time in video games. That’s just being being a man. I love it and I’m really excited to get an opportunity to play this one.

Now I know you were in the games back like 2007, 2008. You still get a kick out of seeing yourself in these?

Yes. It’s still a trip, because sometimes when we break away from things we lose touch of, I guess, reality, because some things like this happen and we’re “Oh, cool.”, but no, it’s a big deal man, being on a video game and having my kids be able to play it and then I can just turn it on. It’s a trip man. It’s awesome.

Did you have any favorite games when you were younger?

I was a big Tecmo Super Bowl [fan]. Yeah. Tecmo Bowl was it. Tecmo Bowl was the favorite, but then Street Fighter of course. Street Fighter was great. Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat. Man, there were so many games that I played over the time.

So how do you feel about you’re a former hype man winning the Cruiserweight Title in NXT?

Man, it’s awesome man. I’m happy for him. I already gave him a call and hit him up and told him if he needs any help keeping that title, I’m a phone call away man. I think we got to do something, for him to have the title run and I not show up at all, that’s what we’re going to be missing the boat there. Hopefully I can get in there and maybe throw around some little guys and help him retain that title, because he helped me for an entire year, so I owe him one.

I was going to say, you would be a true giant in the world of NXT, wouldn’t you?

I bet.

You can go jump the NXT Champion, he’s standing right over there, Adam Cole.

Oh, okay, but I see Finn came over to kind of mess with him so he might not have that title too long.

There’s a lot of guys who have been pro wrestlers who got into MMA, lot of MMA guys coming into pro wrestling, and you’ve dominated both. What do you think draws sports like that together and makes it work so well?

I think because there’s appreciation all the way across the board. I think a lot of the guys in… There’s misconception with the media that says that the fighters don’t like pro wrestling, which is ridiculous because I ran a role before with professional wrestling and MMA. Cain Velasquez is here. Daniel Cormier loves it. Man, King Mo. All these guys have been calling me up saying, “Hey man, I want to get in. I want to get in.” Arlovski just hit me up not too long ago, Dos Santos. All these guys are big wrestling fans, so the sports is just the same. It’s that violence that people like to see it on TV and entertainment. It’s all wrapped up. It’s all the same. It’s all the same.

How do you think Cain Velasquez is going to do in WWE? Have you seen his lucha libre stuff?

I seen him. He actually can work. I’m interested. I’m interested to see. I’d like to get out there, meet Cain, he’s a super dude, man. I trained with him a couple times and, man, he’s an amazing dude, and I know that he’s putting in the time. Hopefully his body can hang up for the torture and I don’t know what kind of schedule they’re going to put him on. If he’s on the same schedule that we’re running right now, it might be a little challenging, but if he gets a little bit of easy schedule, I think he should be all right.

After you’re done sleeping with other men’s wives, what’s the next career ambition for Bobby Lashley? What’s left in pro wrestling for you to do that you haven’t done yet?

There’s match-ups that everybody wants. There’s matches that I want.

Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar, come on.

I didn’t say it. It’s like the elephant in the room, does anybody see it? It’s so weird because I don’t know him. I’ve really never met him. I’ve really never said more than three words to him.

I met him in passing a couple of times. Saudi was the first time I met him. Literally “Hey, what’s up?” Boom, boom and that was about it. Never said more than two words to him, so I think there’s a little mystique there and also for me. Just being in the fighting world, man, I’ve trained and fought with some of the people that he’s fought with and man, it’s got to happen. It’s got to happen before I hit 50.

On Raw, Rusev, Lana, and Bobby Lashley have been involved in one of the most insane, soap opera-esque WWE storylines in some time – at least since the last Rusev-Lana cheating angle (the one with Aiden English.) What started as Rusev being brought up as a possible father of Maria Kanellis’s baby turned into Lashley making out with the Bulgarian Brute’s wife in front of him, Rusev and Lashley fighting in a fancy restaurant, Rusev being outed as a sex addict, and, as of this week, Lana claiming Rusev had knocked her up, which turned out to be a lie to lead to Lashley beating him up. All in all, it’s some trash TV that’s getting a lot of views on YouTube and it’s hard to get a sense of if or when it will lead to a wrestling match.

The Rusev character is further humiliated with every new development in this storyline and seems pretty distraught, but the performer was very positive about it when speaking to UK tabloid The Sun. He said the angle is “a collaboration” and that he thinks it’s the best and hottest thing going in WWE right now.

In Rusev’s words:

“I think we are in the best storyline currently going on and the best storyline that’s been around for years. It’s getting a lot of views and a lot of eyes on it. Some people like it, some people love it, but at the end of the day, it’s the hottest storyline going on.”

He also spoke positively about his WWE career, accepting that it has had ups and downs:

“My goal is to be healthy, that’s my first-and-foremost. It doesn’t matter about storylines or things like that. One day you ride a tank but the next day, you do nothing but main event dark matches so it’s a big wave, you just gotta ride the wave and do the best with anything that is given to you. You gotta enjoy everything you do, and you gotta control what you can control because some things you can’t, and there’s no point being mad so whatever I can control, I do, and if not, I’m just having a blast with it.”

In this interview, Rusev also reveals that he’s started taking Japanese lessons, so maybe that’s a hint that he might leave WWE and do a tour in Japan and have a bunch of wrestling matches. Maybe at some point, he won’t basically recite the Serenity Prayer when talking about his career. For now, he is being very professional while talking about this angle.

Rusev and Lana have been back in the spotlight recently, thanks to their cuckolding story with Bobby Lashley, which Rusev maintains is great, but nobody else seems to like quite as much. That feud will finally lead to a match on Sunday’s Starrcade Network Special, which will certainly not be the end of the story. Prior to this angle, real-life married couple Rusev and Lana were off TV for quite a while, with rumors swirling that they might be done with WWE. Today, it seems that at least one of them is not.

According to Pro Wrestling Sheet, Lana has signed a new five-year contract, which will keep her in WWE through the end of 2024. The contract apparently makes allowances for her to take time off to pursue acting and other non-wrestling projects.

Rusev, however, is reportedly still in talks about his contract, and hasn’t signed anything so far. On one hand, it would seem weird if Lana stays in WWE and Rusev doesn’t. On the other hand, that could turn out to be what’s best for both of them. Rusev is a great wrestler, after all, and could probably get a contract with another major company.

Lana, meanwhile, isn’t known for her wrestling so much as her WWE-friendly blonde-haired beauty and willingness to participate in all sorts of TV stories. In fact, the Bobby Lashley storyline (not to mention her previous work with Dolph Ziggler and even Tamina) shows that she could be partnered with people besides her husband for TV purposes.

So maybe Rusev will leave, and Lana will stick around and watch her husband’s work from a distance like Renee Young and Peyton Royce do, or maybe he’s just waiting for the right offer and will ultimately also stick with WWE for the long haul. Time will tell.

In the latest chapter of the somewhat divisive storyline about how Lana cheated on Rusev with Bobby Lashley, leading to their on-screen divorce, tonight’s Raw was scheduled to feature the wedding of Lana and Lashley. It was only two weeks ago that they got engaged, when Lana brought out a ring and asked Bobby to ask her. Bobby said she’s the only person who gets to tell him what to do, and proposed. Then on last week’s pre-taped episode, they announced that tonight was the big night.

Naturally, it was never going to go smoothly. As Raw’s main event segment began, the officiant introduced Bobby first, who came out alone and took his place at the altar in the ring. Then Lana walked down the ramp as cello music played, and Bobby helped her into the ring.

The officiant gave a speech about the sanctity of marriage, but when he mentioned children, Lana flipped out and said this wasn’t in the script and she doesn’t want children. The officiant continued, but Lana got upset with the crowd for chanting Rusev’s name. She screamed repeatedly for the crowd to shut up. She recited her vows, but they were all about how she’s the greatest woman who ever lived. She said she wanted to make love to Bobby right now, and jumped on him, but he insisted on saying his own vows. Then Lana wouldn’t stop talking about how proud she is of him, and how she wrote his vows. His vows were also about how great she is, and she still interrupted to yell at the crowd.

When the officiant asked if anybody objected to the union, a man interrupted claiming to be Lana’s first husband. He said they got married when she was 18, but she left him for Rusev. He warned Bobby that she’ll leave him too, but Bobby responded by power bombing him. When the wedding started up again, they were interrupted by a woman claiming to be Bobby Lashley’s first wife. Lana knocked her off the ring apron, and the officiant once again tried to continue.

Then the wedding was interrupted by Liv Morgan, who gave a tearful speech revealing that she’s in love with Lana, and claiming that Lana loved her too. Lana also cried, but then attacked Liv and they fought. Referees had to pull them apart and drag Liv away.

Just when it finally seemed like Lana and Bobby were about to be pronounced man and wife, Rusev came out of the cake to attack Lashley. While they were fighting, Liv reappeared and slammed Lana into the cake. Everybody fought, with Rusev and Liv getting the upper hand as Raw went off the air.